Science, Chemistry, and Physics Jokes
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender for his bill and the bartender says, "For you, there's no charge."
So Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve noble gas here." Helium doesn't react.
A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve neutrinos in here." The neutrino says "I was just passing through."
A photon is going through airport security. The TSA agent asks if he has any luggage. The photon says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Right after delivering a newborn baby, the doctor hands the newborn baby to the dad, who is a logician. The wife asks, "Is it a boy or a girl?" The logician says, "Yes."
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
To get to the other side.
Why did the tachyon cross the road?
Those who study Organic chemistry will have alkynes of trouble.
Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He's 0K now.
Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!
How to tell a chemist from a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".
"Water is heavier than butane, because butane is a lighter fluid."
Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Godel, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to the other two and says, "Clearly this is a joke, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?"
Godel answers, "We can't know that because we are inside the joke."
Chomsky says, "Of course it's funny, you are just telling it wrong."
Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.
A Higgs Boson walks into a church and the priest says, "We don't allow Higgs Bosons in here." The Higgs Boson replies, "but without me, how can you have mass?"
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
While riding on a train a student sees Einstein and asks "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"
How often do I make Chemistry jokes? Periodically.
The two electrons left the bar to catch a bus, but they didn't know what time it was or where they were going.
Two atoms walking down the street bump into each other, one says to the other,
'I think I lost an electron!'
'Are you sure?'
'Yes, I'm positive!'
A watched proton never decays.
Know any good Sodium jokes? Na.
When old chemists die, they barium.
Physicist pick up line: What's your sine? It must be pi/2 because you are the 1 for me.
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are driving down the highway in a car. A cop pulls them over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks “Do you know how fast you were going sir?”
“No officer, but I know exactly where I am!” Heisenberg replies.
The cop, unimpressed, says “You were doing 55 in a 35 zone.”
Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts “Oh great! Now I’m lost!”
Th cop thinks this is all a bit suspicious and the other two in the car are looking shifty as well so he orders him to pop open the trunk. He looks inside and says
“Do you guys know you have a dead cat back here?”
“Well we do now, idiot!” shouts Schrodinger.
The cop has had enough of this and says “OK, I’m taking you guys down to the station.”, but of course, Ohm resists.
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "Do you all want a drink?".
The first logicians says, "I don't know."
The second logicians says, "I don't know."
The third logicians says, "Yes."
There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.
One thing I have learned: a really hot beaker looks the same as a cold one.